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Wednesday, December 04, 2019

Word Builder

The bible has made us to understand that the world was framed out of nothing, but  by the word of God. This is a demonstration of the potent and the power that is in the word we speak. As we all know that we were created in the image and likeness of God, and as such our words too have the power to create. It's then advisable that we use our words to create what we want to see in children.
                Sometimes as parents and teachers,
                 we ask some questions such as these.
  • Why don't we get expected result from our children? 
  • if all we had ever done were right, 
  • We were very certained that praising our children and making them know how much we are proud of their effort and achievement would build their self confidence. But why are some well praised children still unsure of themselves?.
Before we became parents and teachers, we  were convinced that if we reason with our children, take time to explain to them why something's are done in a particular way, that they would respond accordingly. But why do we find ourselves in argument each time we try to explain to our children. We worry about where we went wrong and why some children do not respond the way we would love and expect them to. I can imagine the beautiful plans we had, to be the best parents and teachers in the world,  we even vowed to our selves never to repeat the same mistakes our parents and teachers made while trying to help us grow. The worst of it is that the very same words we said disgusting to and hated during our childhood are the same words we use on our children today. Words like; stupid,   idiot, clumsy, lazy, empty. What happened to all the warmth we had to give. Why have we drifted so far away from our original plans.
                    The question now is "what is the language we use with children that can make a        difference". It is advisable for parent and teachers to use words that describes instead of words that evaluate. We should try as much as we can to stay clear from words like; stupid, foolish, clumsy, naughty,  even sometimes words like beautiful, good, wonderful, as they get in the child's way. It is better to use words not to use words that judge the child's character or capacity. Descriptive words gives room for the child to do better. Let's look at this example by Dr. Hair Ginott, " If a child were to spill a glass of milk, I would say to him or her, 'I see the milk spilled; and then I'd hand him a sponge. In this way,I avoid the blame and put emphasis where it belongs-on what needs to b done. But in most cases, we tend put emphasis on the child rather than what needs to be fixed. For instance had she said something like " stupid, you always spill everything. You'll never learn,...believe me, the child's energy would have been mobilized for defense instead of solution-that is when you hear things like; I didn't know there was water on the floor,or it wasn't i that spilled the milk but the glass.
You might be wondering that it's not so important what we say to children in as much as we tell them how much we love and value them, that we can say almost anything since love is the most important thing. Consider this illustration by Dr. Ginott" In the opinion that words themselves aren't so important as long there is love. For instance, suppose you went for a party with your spouse and you accidentally spilled a drink. I suspect it would make a difference if your spouse said even more affectionately, "clumsy, I see you've done it again, when they hand out prize for house wrecking you'll win first prize". I guess you've preferred it if your spouse said, honey, I see drink spilled, can I help you! Here's my handkerchief".                                                                       
 It's not that, I disagree with the power of love, love is wealth. But for our love to best service our children, it has to be broken down into words that can be helpful at each moment. Even when we are angry, we can still make choices of words that won't cause emotional damage or destroy the people we truly care about.



       

Friday, November 15, 2019

THERE IS GOLD IN EVERY CHILD

Men are developed the same way gold is mine. Several tons of dirt must be removed to get an ounce of gold. " But you don't go into the mine looking for dirt, " you go looking for gold".  That's the exact way to develop a positive, successful child. Look for gold not dirt, the good in every child not the bad. Believe me! Whatever you look out for in a person or situation, is more of what you find. The positive qualities you look for in a child, the more of it you're going to find. " we must look at children around us and ask, what does this child need in order to grow"? Our cultural mind will not proffer  solution neither will a generic formula do. If we don't ask God for wisdom and go for knowledge,  we may find ourselves in the positions of offering things that our children don't need.
             Ernest Campbell, tells an enlightening story:
                   
A woman went to a pet shop  and purchased a parrot to keep  her company. She took her new pet home but returned the next day to report, "   That parrot hasn't said a word yet!"
" Does it have a mirror?"  asked the storekeeper." Parrots like  to be able to see themselves in the mirror." So she bought the mirror and returned home.
        The next day she was back,  announcing that the bird still
 wasn't speaking
          " What about a ladder?" the storekeeper said. " Parrots enjoy walking up and down a ladder." So she bought a ladder and returned home.
          Sure enough, the next day she was back with the same story- still no talk.
         " Does the parrot have a swing? Birds enjoy relaxing on a swing." She bought a swing and went     home.
         The next day she returned to the store to announce the bird had died
 " I'm terribly sorry to hear that,"  said the storekeeper.
           " Did the bird ever say anything before it died?"
            " Yes," the lady replied. " It said, Don't they sell any food down there?'"
Sometimes we are like the lady in the story. We want people (children) to be the best, quite alright! We provide children with all the things some expert say they are suppose to like. However, we never go to God to inquire of what purpose he created the child or what the child really need.
         As you examine positive attitude in children, and determine what each needs, keep in mind these ideas for growth opportunities.

  1.   Expose your child to other positive children but never  compare them.
  2. Provide a secure environment where your child is free to take risk.
  3. Provide your child with a positive and experience mentor if you can't be. 
  4. Provide your child with resource she/she needs. Not what they want.
  5. Spend time and money to train your child. Note, spending time with your child can't be substituted with money.
The idea of building a positive child can be summed up in the poem below by
          Edwin Markham.
       
            We are blind until we see
            That in the human plan
             Nothing is worth the making
             If it does not make the man ( child).

                Why build these cities glorious
                 If man unbuilt goes
                 In vain we build the world
                 Unless the builder also grows.

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

The Crucible Family

Once again it is in the family that children learn how to handle their emotions and the emotion of others. According to Daniel Goleman, in his book emotional intelligence, he said "family is our first school for emotional learning; it is where we learn how to feel about ourselves and how others will react to our feelings;  how to think about these feelings;  and what choices we have in reacting ;  how to read and express hopes and fears". Childhood is an emotional learning curve and as parents, it is our responsibility to help our children deal with their God given emotions. Our children our are to develop emotional balance such that they can neither deny their emotions nor are burn up by them. Like any power they need to be able to harnessed, such that they respond appropriately to the emotions of others.
          So, how do we help our children deal with these volatile, varied emotions?. Love is the transformer. Remember the essence of the transformer is to regulate the flow of current, transformers take the incredible power surging through the utility lines and modify it so it matches the voltage needed for the situation. Most small businesses and residences use 110 volt  to power our appliances and gadgets. Large manufacturing plants can use thousands of volts in their industrial  machinery, but even they will have an on-site transformer that makes sure the right amount of voltage is passed along, to either the copier in the office or the big processor on the shop floor. Different situations and different end uses required differing amounts of voltage. It takes transformer to handle all those differences, to make sure the right amount of voltage is applied to any given device.
             Likewise, our children need to know how to make sure that the right type of emotion is being applied to any given situation. Too little creates apathetic, pale response to life, too much creates volcanic, caustic emotional states. So how does your child or any of us, for that matter-how to respond in just the right way to the myriad emotional cues and demands we encounter in our daily lives? Rather than try to go into every possible emotional situation potentially experienced by your child, I'd like to suggest that you instead focus on teaching your child how to channel all of them through a single emotion. After all, on any given day, your child can experience happiness, anxiousness, joy, disappointment, frustration, elation, satisfaction, relief, anger, or fear.  Frankly, that's how my day can go! It seems that God says there's one universal emotional transformer that can help your child stay emotionally balanced as he or she. Grows into adulthood. When our complex emotional lives are routed through this transformer, we have power to perform and wisdom to respond. That transformer is love.

Sunday, October 06, 2019

Love Alike

Love your children alike. Before we were told what love is, we were told  that all our special abilities means nothing in the absence of love. How sad it is when we at allow our differences hinder us from loving one another as we ought to. We make value judgments base on one's gift, thinking that God loves one person more because of the gift he/she has been given.
           How devastating it is for parent to think that God values one child over another, because of the gift evident in each child. In my previous post, I talked about the difficulty partiality brings into the family. Most of us are aware of the biblical examples of how favoritism and partiality lead to animosity and even murderous intentions. The highest gift of God is love and He gives to everyone. Love is the greatest, highest and the best gift in which God gives freely to all. This does not means that parent should not watch for special gift God has placed in the their child. As parent we all need to be aware to support and encourage our kids.
              How can parents encourage and support their child? Get to know your child. Find out what they are interested in. Be  alert to unusual maturity they exhibit in a particular attribute. You could be seeing the first sign of the  extraordinary gift God has given your child, which become more apparent as he or she grows and matures. On the other hand, watch for situations or circumstances where it seems a certain trait or tendency is being challenged. It maybe God is already working at that gift, stretching it to become bigger. That is why it is advisable not to jump in to rescue your child in a difficult situation. This could be an exercise in preparation for the task ahead.
         N/B, you simply may not know your child's gift, in the absence of clear direction, then, do everything you can to promote the good qualities you see in your child. Think outside the box when it comes to how your child may be gifted. And also how he or she can demonstrate the gift, in various situations of life.

Wednesday, October 02, 2019

Children Are Unique Individual

Children are unique. It's so valuable to identify the  uniqueness of your child. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not have the same function, so likewise in a family we have children with varying personality and functions in order to make the family what it is. It is a mind blowing